The week prior, when I was reading CT scans in the hospital, we had come across a CT scan of the abdomen without any administered oral or intravenous contrast. Just as the oral contrast would light up the inside of my bowels, the IV contrast would light up my blood vessels on the scan-again making the radiologist’s job much easier. I was led into the room for the scan itself, and an IV was placed for my intravenous contrast. I delighted in pouring the contrast from the container into my cup, noting how pouring the liquid felt ever so slightly different from pouring water because of the density of the iodinated, clear dye. The dye would light up my gastrointestinal tract on the scan, making it easier to differentiate subtle structures within my body. Before the scan, I was to drink a few cups of oral contrast over the course of an hour. I was on my Radiology rotation at the time, and soon, I’d get the chance to look through a scan of my very own body. Prior to the CT scan of my abdomen, I felt a quiet excitement. Sure, I noticed that my tolerance for stress was lower than usual, but was that enough? There, I at least had a discrete, 3-hour window to fear and suffer. Was there something I was repressing? If anything, I was more nervous the night before my triathlon. I just didn’t feel scared of the surgery. Where was my emotion? My fear? My anxiety? I confided in those around me I meditated I searched every nook and corner for appropriate anguish. ![]() There were only two variables I could (semi-)control in this process-selecting a urologist and scheduling the earliest possible appointments-and I had successfully checked off both boxes.īut there was a nagging question. Within 36 hours, I had an appointment scheduled for the very next week with one of the best urologists in the country. I tapped my network to find a specialist I could trust. Once my mind was more sober, I called my parents and informed my close friends. I had caught the mass myself on physical exam, and what I had felt was not a ghost. During the ultrasound, when I asked to see the images, the technologist appropriately said, “I can’t do that, but you’ll be able to see them after the radiologist interprets them.” When a day later, on a banal Wednesday afternoon, I saw the report that said CONCERNING FOR MALIGNANCY, my first reaction was pride. I thought I had found a nodule on my right testis, so I had scheduled an appointment with my PCP and requested an ultrasound. Compared to that, I couldn’t even consider my own diagnosis as karma for past sins and past lives-it would be too pedestrian of a disease to make God’s list of divine punishments. They hadn’t seen what I had seen-the 28 year old with gastric cancer whose lungs were whited out with tumor, the 63 year old with zero white blood cells who was vomiting blood in the intensive care unit. They didn’t know what I knew-that testicular cancer was an especially treatable disease, with 5-year survival rates higher than 95% even when caught late (and I had caught it as early as possible-so early that I might not even need chemotherapy or radiation). The C-word was the only thing looming over me. To them, their only child had cancer, and where a long timeline for my future should have been, someone had covered it with a black box. Of course, that wasn’t the case with my parents. Just try it.When I was first diagnosed with testicular cancer, I wasn’t particularly stressed. Of course you can choose between light mode and dark mode. With “Display” you can change the color and opacity for the text and background of your Bionic Reading® Reader. With “Letter Spacing” you change the space between the letters and with “Column Width” you give your text the right frame. Choose your preferred “Font” and “Font Size” and adjust the “Line Height”. With “Details” you refine your individual Bionic Reading reading mode. You can also adjust the visibility of the remaining letters individually to your needs. With “Opacity” you define the visibility of your Fixation. Maybe you only want to read nouns, verbs and adjectives with Bionic Reading®. With “Advanced Settings” you decide which part of speech the Bionic Reading® algorithm should consider. For monosyllabic words, your Fixation setting is taken into account. With “Syllables” the syllables of the word are used as a basis for the Fixation. Your defined settings for Fixation and Saccade are used by the Bionic Reading® algorithm. With “Letters” you define your personal selection of Fixation and Saccade. ![]() With “Saccade” you define the visual jumps from Fixation to Fixation. With “Fixation” you define the expression of the letter combinations.
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